


Lights, Camera, CRACKtion

by ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-10-29 15:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10857195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds/pseuds/ThisIsTheDungeonThatNeverEnds
Summary: The characters in FFXV are actors in a movie.  This is their blooper reel.Written for a kinkmeme prompt and will never be marked as complete bc I write these as they come to me and who knows how long this could go on.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All the chapters are going to be short and stupid like this.
> 
> Original Prompt: https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/3451.html?thread=3465339#cmt3465339

"Off my throne, jester; the King sits there."

Ardyn swiftly stood...perhaps a bit TOO swiftly. His coat tails tangled between his feet and he stumbled forward. 

"A word with the costume department, please!"

A sigh and a frustrated groan off set. "Cut!"

Everyone else just laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

Noctis made his well choreographed way through Zegnautus Keep. This scene was tedious and he was starting to hate it. Lucky Ardyn with his microphone and cushy chair off set...

"How long before Ignis bubbles into a trap?"

"Cut!"

Noctis stopped and looked around. "Wait, what?"

MT#7 pointed to one of the speakers above their heads. "Did he just say 'bubbles?'"

"GOD DAMNIT!" Ardyn shouted, followed by a loud thud and a microphone screeching.

"Again from the top, everybody," the director shouted.

Noctis rolled his eyes. 

"God damnit."


	3. Chapter 3

"Prompto, can I see your photos?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"I just need one to...to take with me."

Noctis carded through the dozens of photographs until he came across on that he'd almost forgotten existed.

It was one of himself, asleep in his trailer in a Moogle/Chocobo tshirt and Kenny Crow boxers with a penis drawn on his face in red marker.

"Damn it Prompto! I told you to delete this shit!"

Prompto laughed. "So that's the one, then?"

Noctis shoved the stack of pictures at Prompto's chest, causing several of them to fall to the ground.

"Fuck you," he grumbled and walked off set.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not create the character of Ardyn's grandson. He was part of the original prompt and first written by another anon on the meme.

"Umbra!" Noctis knelt down to pet the black and white dog.

Prompto smiled. "Bringing us stuff! At'a boy."

"That dog sure knows how to track a scent," Gladio said."

"Certainly knows how to find us," Ignis agreed.

Noctis reached for the notebook tucked in Umbra's collar, but the dog barked and ran off.

"What the...UMBRA!" Noctis shouted and chased after.

"Doggy!" Ardyn's grandson laughed and ran to the wayward dog. Umbra tackled the child to the ground and began licking his face.

Wiz, who doubled as the animal handler on set, pulled Umbra off of the laughing boy. "If ya don't wanna be upstaged, don't act with children or animals."

Noctis sighed. "Well, let's try this again then."


	5. Chapter 5

"Y'all kept a girl waitin'!" Cindy said cheerily as she walked toward the Regalia.

"Ah, excuse me but..." Ignis pointed at Cindy and averted his eyes, blushing.

"What's the matter?"

Gladio looked to see what Ignis was pointing at and laughed. "Looks like we got a little wardrobe malfunction."

"Hu?" Cindy looked down. "Aw hell!" She turned around and adjusted her bra.

"What was it?" Prompto stood and asked. "Nip slip? Aw man, I wasn't paying attention!"

Cindy spun around and smacked Prompto on the side of his head.

"Ow!"

"Little pervert."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's from Brotherhood not the game, but I love it when accidental/improved shenanigans make the final cut in movies and this wouldn't leave me alone, so yeah.

"Come on, we're gonna get on a boat soon. Can't we all just get along?" Prompto grabbed the ketchup bottle beside him and flipped the cap.

"I told you, we're not fighting," Gladio insisted with his fist still on the table.

"Ok, if you say so." Prompto fought with the bottle but no ketchup would come out. He squeezed from the bottom as hard as he could and made the mistake of turning it upward.

The bottle practically erupted and the cap flew off, splattering the contents all over the table and everyone sitting at is.

"Prompto!" the other three yelled.

"Um, cut?" Prompto looked sheepishly at the director, who was doubled over in his chair laughing.

"OH no," he said, "We're keeping that. Go on guys, play off it, that was great!"

"Um, okay? Sorry guys my bad!"

He just knew the costume department was going to kill him, though.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never thought I would add to this, but one sprang to my head watching Kenny Crow gif sets on Tumblr. Im goingbto try to cvome up with some Ep. Ignis and Ep. Prompto ones.

"PROMPTO!" Noctis shouted and ran to the figure bound in the chair. 

He turned the body to face him and was shocked to see not Prompto, but a crash test dummy wearing a Kenny Crow mask. 

He knew the cameras were still rolling, but he could not suppress his sudden laughter. Off set, he saw Ignis, Gladio, Promoto, and Ardyn laughing with him.

"Damn it, guys, I want to finish this stupid sequence!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So did we, Noct. So did we...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And imediatly my brain spits this at me! Ep. Ignis extra verse spoilers.

Ignis walked slowly And steadily towards the stairs leading to the throne where King Noctis sat. He climbed the first level and stopped at the small landing. With a hand across his chest, he bowed.

Then he smiled and said, "I just farted."

"CUT!" The director shouted off set.

"What? There won't be audio in the final cut, what does it matter?"

"Your lip movements need to be right and who knows what those micro-managing producers will make us change. Just do it again and do it right, please."

Ignis sighed. "Alright."

"Again from the bow."

Ignis bowed again and smiled back up at Noctis.

"I have to pee."

"CUUUUUT!!!!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I...don't even know what the fuck this is anymore. Please send help.

"A king cannot lead by standing still," Regis turned and looked down at the two young boys, the younger if whom was smiling up at him. Out of nowhere the black haired boy began jumping up and down, giggling and waving off set.

"Will you please stand...still..."

The other boy repressed a laugh. "You just told him not to."

Regis sighed and shook his head. "Child actors..."

"HI, GAMPA!!!"

Just off set, Ardyn simply looked at Regis and shrugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I cast Ardyns grandson as smol!Noct.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like any of these silly blurbs, you should check out the original prompt on the meme, because I'm not the only one doing these, and some of the others are pure gold.


End file.
